I remember sitting in a classroom many years ago;
hearing a psychology professor say something to
the effect that,

If you feel the need to control, you would be wise
not to attempt the practice of group therapy -

the dynamics of a group can not be controlled by
a therapist; and any therapist trying to do so will
soon be frustrated and overwhelmed.

Rather than seeking to impose control, the therapist
needs to accept the group's seeming chaos, cope
with it, learn from it and gently seek to moderate the
ebb and flow of the group process in ways that main-
tain the safety and increase the awareness of group
members.

As the years went by, it seemed that the professor's
advice had relevance well beyond the practice of
group therapy -

relevance for relationships, marriage, parenthood,
health and more

Of all those things that happen around us and to us,
how much control can we or should we impose? -

the answer, I think, is "Not much."

Perhaps, as per the professor's remarks, in most
situations, all we can do is try to -

- accept those things that happen around and to us
- do what we can to maintain safety, sanity and
personal integrity
- learn from these experiences and
- cope as best we can

And if we sense within us a strong wish or a need
to control,

then we'd be wise to pause before entering such
uncontrollable territories as relationships, marriage
and parenthood -

pause to examine our assumptions about -

- how things "should be" and
- what we are able do to make them that way