Love is an attempt to penetrate another being,
but it can only succeed if the surrender is mutual.

the above line was written by Nobel Prize winning
poet Octavio Paz

when i first read it, it seemed to strike a chord;
it seemed to make sense; but i soon realized that
i wasn't really sure what it meant

there was something very interesting in Paz's words;
but what was it?

i had something to PonderAbout

first, it was obvious that the key concept is surrender;
and not in the sense of surrendering in competition,
politics or war

that kind of surrender is clearly not a good thing;
it is - giving up, acquiescing, crying uncle . . .

Paz is not writing about that; he's writing about
surrender as something positive, something that
pertains to love - not war

after some Googling and pondering , my
understanding of this kind of surrender was
starting to take shape

this surrender seemed to entail things like:

relaxing one's guard
letting go of the need to be in control
trusting
being yourself
opening to another
overcoming selfishness and egocentricity
merging

surrender seemed to be a necessary step if one
is to move from an initial attraction to intimacy

surrender also seemed to be opportunity for
personal growth; a chance to achieve a kind of
developmental milestone, or else fail to achieve it,
and remain, at least temporarily, stunted

after thinking about these things for a while,
questions started to come to mind -

once surrender is "achieved", is it a permanent
attainment; or only a temporary state, one that
fades as old habits reassert themselves?

do men find it more difficult than women to
understand and practice surrender?

what kind of life experiences interfere with
or facilitate surrender?

how often is mutual surrender, the surrender of both
lovers, actually achieved?

and what are the implications for a relationship if it
lacks mutual surrender?

all of the above issues and questions arising from
one simple sentence,

Love is an attempt to penetrate another being,
but it can only succeed if the surrender is mutual.
-Octavio Paz